A Little Bit Personal

Now most people are going to look over this post, that is fine. I have no followers and my only posts that gain attention have to do with God/Goddesses or cats. It feels pretty similar to my life. As long as I talk about or say what people like, I am listened to. But none of them care to know me really. I am trapped in an abusive situation with my homophobic, transphobic, racist, conservative christian family, yet when I ask for help, I get vague "sure you could sleep on my couch". I feel like everyone avoids the harsh truths of the situation. I can't even get to their homes because my family barely lets me out of town. I would need help moving my things to storage, finding a place to stay, and getting a job so that I could get an apartment. But everyone seems to think that someone else will help. I can't look them in the eyes and ask for help because I am 200 miles away.

My parents want to punish me in some sick way by making it impossible for me to succeed in life because evidently I could never please them. For those who think I am over dramatic, I cooked for them one night, trying to be nice and show that I am useful. All I heard that night was how bad my food was and I had to throw it away and clean it all up on my own. They then said I was too sensitive for being upset by their comments. I knew the food wasn't that good, but I didn't even get a thank you for trying. This is how my life has been my entire life. I can never do anything good enough, or I am not reading their minds to know what they want me to do. My siblings get praise and love all the time, I get to hear it. I only get a shrug and a "So what do you plan to do with your life? You are so useless and worthless" tirade. I am so tempted to say that I plan to kill myself, just to see if they even care. If they do it will probably be because of their precious social image, not because of me, because they have made it very clear that they don't love me. Now I am left wondering if anyone does.

(I know my fiance does, but I hate putting all my problems on her when she actually has depression and is struggling enough with her own life.)

My Favorite Cat Breeds: Turkish Angora

Elegant Turkish Angoras are graceful, energetic and usually the first to welcome visitors into your home. At one point all longhaired cats were called Angoras due to the Angora thought to be the source of the long fur gene.







History
Turkish Angoras are one of the ancient, natural breeds of cat, having thought to have originated in central Turkey, in the Ankara region (historically known as Angora). Cats from eastern mountainous regions of early Anatolia and through inbreeding and natural selection, developed into longhaired breeds like the Turkish Van and the Turkish Angora.

Longhaired cats were imported to Britain and France as early as the late 16th century. There the Turkish Angora was used, almost to the point of extinction, to improve the coat on the Persian. The Angora of the 20th century was used for improvement in the Persian coat, but the type has always been divergent from the Persian – particularly as the increasingly flat-faced show cat Persian has been developed in the last few decades.

Appearance
Turkish Angora cats have long, silky coats and elegant, sinuous bodies. Though it is best known for a shimmery white coat, Turkish angora cats can display a variety of colors: solid colors, such as black, blue, red and cream; in tortoiseshell or blue-cream; in classic, mackerel and spotted tabbies of many colors; and bi-colored cats in any of these colors with white. In recent years, many breeders have begun working with smoke and shaded colors as well. Any shade and pattern, except those that denote hybridization (such as lavender, chocolate or the pointed pattern) is accepted for CFA registration.

Eyes may be blue, green, amber, yellow, or odd-eyed (e.g., one blue and one amber or green). Ears are pointed, large and wide-set. The eyes are almond shaped and the profile forms two straight planes. The plumed tail is often carried upright, perpendicular to the back.

The W gene responsible for the white coat and blue eye is closely related to the hearing ability, in this and other breeds, and presence of a blue eye can indicate the cat is deaf to the side the blue eye is located, with some being totally deaf if bearing two blue eyes. However, a great many blue and odd-eyed white cats have normal hearing, and even deaf cats lead a normal life if kept indoors.

Personality
Turkish Angora cats are playful, intelligent, athletic and involved. They bond with humans, but often select a particular member of the family to be their constant companion. They are in turn, very protective of their person.
Turkish angoras are energetic, and often seek out "high ground" (or perch) in the home. This perch is then used as a way to observe activity of the home. This could include tops of doors, bookshelves, and other furniture. Some ride on their owners' shoulders.

My Favorite Cat Breeds: The Ragdoll

The Ragdoll is a popular breed of indoor-only cats with semi-long hair and (usually) blue eyes. They are known for their docile temperament and affectionate nature

Appearance:
The Ragdoll is one of the largest domesticated cat breeds with a sturdy body, large frame, and proportionate legs. Their pointed coloration is responsible for the blue eyes of the Ragdoll. Ragdoll kittens are actually usually born white but gain some of their coloration at 8 – 10 weeks and full color and coat at 3 – 4 years.
The Ragdoll’s semi-long coat is plush and silky, consisting mainly of long, soft guard hairs. The absence of the thick, dense, insulating undercoats results in reduced shedding and matting.

Markings:
Color Pointed – One color darkening at the extremities (nose, ears, tail, and paws) with no white anywhere in the coat

Mitted – Same as pointed, but with white paws like mittens on the front and boots in the back and abdomen. With or without a blaze (a white line or spot on the face) and must have a white chin belly stripe.

Bicolor –  (more white than Mitted) White legs, white inverted V on the face, white abdomen and sometimes white patches on the back. Only their tails, ears, and the outer part of their masks show the darker markings. In the Van pattern, only the top of the mask, ears, and tail, and perhaps a few spots on the body, show darker markings.

Lynx – A variant of the above types having tabby markings.

Tortie- A variant of the above typed with tortoiseshell markings

Colors:

Red (or Flame)

Seal

Chocolate

Blue

Lilac

Cream (Red Dilute)

Temperament:
Ragdoll cats tend to be more interested in humans than some breeds of cats. They are known to run to greet you at the door, follow you from room to room, flop on you, sleep with you, and generally choose to be where you are. Many Ragdolls have been taught to come when called and play fetch. They are gentle cats, and usually play without extending their claws. Ragdolls tend to be floor cats, not jumpers.

Unlike many cats, Ragdolls are notable for collapsing into the arms of anyone who holds them, even if they are cradled on their back. They love their people, greeting them at the door, following them around the house, and leaping into a lap or snuggling in bed whenever given the chance. They need time with their families so it is not a breed to get if you will not be home enough to give them the attention they crave.  However every cat is different and individual so no guarantees that your Ragdoll will let you hold them like a baby or sit in your lap for a long time.

Sweet and docile, Ragdolls are not "fighter" cats. They view any on-comer as a loving entity. For this reason, Ragdolls are strictly indoor cats. Many Ragdolls have been killed by cruel humans or loose dogs.

Overall Ragdolls are beautiful and friendly cats fit for a loving home with plenty of time to devote to them.

Tarot: The Emperor IV

The fifth card in the major arcana is The Emperor. This card usually features a king on his throne, but my deck has the mythical steed, Pegasus. He was the winged horse ridden by the Greek hero Bellerophon and in some tales, Perseus.  He carried Zeus's lightning bolts until he was made into a constellation for his duty.

Meaning: The Emperor is a card of masculine power. Masculine power is self-discipline, leadership, taking chances and facing challenges. It can represent wisdom though trials of life. There is also stability and security through  this power.

Reversed: When the Emperor is reversed he shows weakness, lack of self discipline or self-control, lack of courage, or even loss of power and a time of chaos.
OR
Reversed (2): An abuse of power. Dictatorship can occur with an improper use of masculine power so be weary of tipping the balance either way.

Tarot: The Empress III

The fourth card in the major arcana is the empress. This card usually has a pregnant woman on a throne, but my deck features the goddess Morrigan. Morrigan is called a triple goddess featuring the Maiden, Mother, Crone trichonomy. I believe she could also feature the Warrior, but the art of the card didn't feature that side of her. 

Imagry: Beyond Morrigan walking through the woods we have: Rabbit of the maiden and spring, Apple of the mother and summer and fall, and the raven of the crone and winter

Meaning: The Empress is a card of feminine power. It represents the cycle of  traditional womanhood and life. She holds the secrets of the feminine divine within all of us. She teaches us to appreciate the fertility of the season in our life and in the world and reminds us that there is a season for everything. She reassures us that now may be a prosperous time or it will come soon.

Reversed: The Empress reversed is a card that means a lack of growth or fertility. It could just mean that it is not the right time or season for what you want. But it could also mean that you are out of balance or working against the cycle in a negative way. Remember to work with the earth and the cycles all around us. She also can mean that you are neglecting your inner feminine divine (even if your identify as male). 

Invocation to Frey (Freyr)

Disclaimer: So before I get to the invocation, I should say that I combed the web as I prepared to write these so if a line or two remind you of someone else's, I probably read it as inspiration. This (and my others) are rough drafts. This one is not overly personal (written specifically for me to use) but others are. Feel free to use them, but if you post them on the web, please link back to me.

Hail Lord of the Fields,

the warrior without a weapon,

you who make the grain sprout forth,

and you who falls at harvest;

Every year of your life, death, and rebirth,

just as the earth mirrors you.

Give me a love bound with commitment,

a love bound to the land.

As one must toil for the harvest,

teach me that love is worth working for.

Bless my life with

a land to call my own,

a love to warm me,

through the harshest winter,

and faith in the coming spring

and the bountiful harvest

after a season of work.

Frey,

Witness This!

Tarot: The High Priestess II

It has been a long time since I have had time to write one of these, so I hope to write a few and schedule them.

This is the third card in the major arcana, the High Priestess, a Egyptian Ua Zit (similar to the Wadjet).
She was a winged Cobra goddess said to be a protector of the Pharaohs.

Meaning: She is the guardian of inner knowledge and secrets. She often symbolizes that you need to listen to your inner self. She can also be your connection to divine energy and your destiny heeding you to listen to them.  She represents the link to the subconscious mind, which cannot be accessed through the physical world but only through dreams and symbols. Pay attention to your dreams and let that inner knowledge guide you.

Reversed: When she is reversed she is telling you that you are not listening to your inner self of inner calling or even not trusting your instincts. She warns that you need to take some time to reflect and even meditate to find what you should be doing. Or, she wants you to gain a deeper understanding to what knowledge you do have to fully understand it


This card has never appeared in any of my readings but I do think there is plenty to learn from her.